Monday, October 5, 2015

"Perfect"

"My Hips Are Too Wide, My Thighs Are To Thick, My Stomach Isn't Flat". Are Many Thoughts That Cross My Mind Daily. 

 For Me, I Dropped Weight Very Fast, As So Did My Body.. My Body Started Changing, My Jeans Didn't Fit, So I Would Go A Size Down, Then In A Week Those Jeans Wouldn't Fit, So I Kept Going Down. As My Body Started To Change, People Started Noticing And Making Comments 

" Wow, Lisa You Look Amazing", "You Look Skinny", "You Look Beautiful".  As Those Comments Kept Coming, I Took Them One By One And Each Comment Was Kept In My Head. When I Had Time To Process, I Would Think, "Then What Was I Before", Fat, Ugly, Not Beautiful... And This Is Where Things Became Harder For Me.
 I Was Overweight For Most Of My Childhood And I Knew I Was Overweight But When I Got Dressed, Did My Makeup, My Hair, And Would Look In The Mirror I Would Never Hate My Body, I Was Unhappy But Never Called Myself Ugly. But Now, I Am So Judgmental About My Body, Which Makes Me Angry. 
My Weight Is In A Good Place Right Now, I Feel At Peace With It, But Every time, I Would Get Those Comments, It Would Get To Me And Eventually It Got To Me Really Bad. I Started Being Very Judgmental About My Body, Hating The Way I Looked. When I Looked In The Mirror I Felt So Heavy, So Big. I Wouldn't See The New Me. I Just Felt Ugly. Apart From That, I Developed Different Habits, Which I Am Not Ready To Share, One Thing I Can Tell You Though, Is That I Did Go Into A Treatment Center, Which Made It Harder Rather Than Helping, I was later diagnosed with Body Dysmorphic Disorder, which I never knew existed.

The Reason Why I Want To Share This With You Guys Is, For Any Out There Dealing With Depression, Body Image Issues, ect. To Know That There Isn't A Perfect Life, A Perfect Body, A Perfect Look. Do Not Create This Perfect Image In Your Head And Try To Be It. You Have To Love Yourself, Inside and Out. Though, It Is Hard Because I Live With These Thoughts Everyday, But With Some Help, Hope, The Thought Of Making Yourself Be"Perfect" Slowly Start Fading Away. Love Yourself And Always Strive For A Positive Mind. 


                                                                       L.