Monday, September 21, 2015

Hard Times

     I have to be 100% honest with you guys. Going through this new journey and working with doctors on my treatment plan, Learning ways to cope with Depression and Anxiety is really leaving me on pins and needles. This week will be my 3rd week working with a phycologist and I am already dreading my next appointment. When I go to the appointments I talk, and I try to be honest with the doctors but most importantly myself. But then my session is over and I walk out of that office feeling like crap, my whole week turns into spending a lot of time at home, in bed, not really doing much. Some people who don't understand what depression really is will say "just get ready and go out". But the thing is, I do try sometimes but you just don't have the mentality to do it. My levels of depression haven't been this high ever since I first got depression. I feel like instead of taking 2 steps forward, I'm taking 10 steps back. 
     Going back and talking about my past and all my medical issues is very hard for me and I feel like expressing my true emotions and reflecting back on self harming is very traumatic for me. It plays a huge role in my life and everytime I look down my arms, I have a daily reminder of my past. 
     When I have time to reflect and really understand where my life stands right now, I think of fear, fear of never being able to say "Im Okay". Within these past few weeks, I have learned that Depression and Anxiety play a huge role in my life, my levels are really high. Now, I have to be ready to let go of my past and close the chapters that need to be close and be at peace with all my medical issues. I know that one day I will wake up and be grateful to be living my life, despite all my troubles and medical issues and be happy. I just have to take it day by day.   
     One thing I can tell anyone out there who suffers with depression and anxiety is I know it's tough, I know it's hard sometimes to get out of bed. But with a little bit of hope and a little bit of strength you can make your day a little bit better. I know getting help can be hard, but you know when it's time to get help and actually accept all your struggles.
Always feel free to share your journeys on my blog because I am here to help anyone out there and I know you guys are here to help me.


                                                                Lots Of Love,
                                                                         L.