Thursday, April 24, 2014

Free Write : "Depression will not define the person I am .. I will be the person I want to be."

For a very long time I felt like I was trapped, I felt like I was alone like if I was left in a dark place with no way to escape. For a long time I have only felt one emotion deep down, sadness was the only word I was defined as. This was the way I lived everyday of my life , now as I type this my chest feels very heavy, tears running down my face , how the hell did I let myself get into this place , and the only thing I thought everyday was how the hell am I going to get out of this mess. I was living in a dark cloud everyday and that was normal for me since the age of 13 I felt different , when kids felt happy I felt mad and I felt sad, as I sit here writing this I think how much I have went through and how much I handled by myself, 

When I got sick thats when things changed for me,  everything that happened to be before was put away and never thought about, I couldn't have time to stop and think about what I went through before, when I got sick my first thought was how was I going to live my life with all the damage that was left,I believe things happen for a reason, now that I am used to the way I am with my illness,I start to think about my past and think about how I didn't forgive myself, So I'm here writing my forgiveness in order for me to move on.

I have been happy for a while now and I love how it feels , I have days that I think about everything I went through and think that all the struggles made me the way I am now, I am very strong and now that I feel in place , I want to live a normal life ,I want to enjoy every day even when it is not the best day ,I want to be happy that I'm still standing strong after all I went though , I want to leave my depression behind , leave all the dark moments ..

I used to always be in the dark, the one that never wanted to leave the room , when it was raining i used to stare outside with the window crying and crying for hours and just looked up at the dark sky and always said to myself can I please be the old me.... 

This letter is a way for me to let go, This is a letter to the 13 year old me struggling , I am here now standing strong , It has taken me a while to close this chapter of my life but I have already started a new one. 

"Depression will not define the person I am .. I will be the person I want to be."

Lots Of Love,